Shownotes:
In both her book and podcast, Teach Happier, Suzanne Dailey gives us small yet powerful practices to feel more balanced, content, and aligned. And here on this pod, she shares how gratitude anchors her during both positive and challenging seasons, and how it sustained her during the last few years of her professional and personal life. Plus, discover what we can learn from how planes turn!
About Our Guest:
Suzanne Dailey is an instructional coach in the Central Bucks School District. She teaches model lessons, facilitates professional development sessions, and mentors teachers to be the best for the students in front of them. She is dedicated to nurturing and developing the whole child and teacher and presents these topics at a local, state and national level. Suzanne is the author of Teach Happier this School Year: 40 Weeks of Inspiration & Reflection and the host of the popular weekly podcast, Teach Happier.
Website: suzannedailey.com
Twitter: @DaileySuzanne
Instagram: @TeachHappier
About Lainie:
Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at linktr.ee/lainierowell.
Twitter - @LainieRowell
Instagram - @LainieRowell
Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! Purchase here!
You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount
Transcript:
Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, friends. I am very happy right now and I am very intentional in using that word. I am always happy to have guests on the show, but this word is very appropriate for my friend Suzanne Daley. Hi Suzanne.
Suzanne Dailey: Hi Lainie. Thanks for having me. .
Lainie Rowell: Oh, I am honored to have you. I feel like we're now book sisters in a way.
Is that fair to say?
Suzanne Dailey: Well, I did say if my book had a sister, it would be your book. Yes.
Lainie Rowell: I will take that. And so your book that just came out at the time of this recording, it's only been out for a couple months, right?
Suzanne Dailey: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Lainie Rowell: And so it's a brand new book. Teach Happier This School Year, 40 Weeks of Inspiration and Reflection.
And I am so excited for this book. I've read it, I've reviewed it. Five star review. That's my love language. Amazon reviews are my love language. I think , at least in the expression of and I just want you to be able to talk about that. I'm gonna say really quickly. Suzanne is an instructional coach in the Central Bucks School District.
She teaches model lessons, facilitates professional learning mentors teachers, she is just about so many, many things, and I won't do it justice. So, Suzanne, please fill in all the wonderful things that you do.
Suzanne Dailey: Oh, what a nice introduction. Thanks, Lainie. So, yes, just as you said, I am a teacher. I am an instructional coach right now.
So I get to work alongside about 600 of the best elementary colleagues on this planet. And we get to co-teach and co-plan and, and help each other just be the best that we can for the students in front of us and like you said, other accomplishments professionally. The book just came out, Teach Happier, and that's a compliment to the weekly podcast, Teach Happier.
And so those are my professional achievements, but the person behind all of that is I'm a mom and I'm a wife and a really good friend and all those other roles that, that we play as well. And so just kind of honoring both of those roles is in, in all those capacities, right? As teachers, but also the person behind all of those important roles as well.
Lainie Rowell: Yes. And I just have to add, as a listener of your podcast, you are also a great neighbor and you have great neighbors. Like I am so jealous of your neighborhood when you talk about all the fun things that you all do. So I just had to put that out there.
Suzanne Dailey: Well, thank, was it the neighborhood cocktail exchange?
Was that it? That was a good one. Right?
Lainie Rowell: There were a few things that sounded like a great hang and I mean, I love living in Southern California, but your neighborhood in Philly sounds like a pretty great place to be.
Suzanne Dailey: Oh, thank you. Yes, we're right outside of Philadelphia. Yeah, in beautiful Doylestown which is in Bucks County.
So lots of history and beautiful landscape. But as we said before we started recording, it is cold here right now. But lots of energy with the Eagles, I don't know when this will air, but the Super Bowl is this upcoming weekend. So people are frantic right now. ?
Lainie Rowell: Yes. That fate will have been determined by the time this comes out.
You know, I'm just gonna put it out there, whoever the listener wants to win, I'm rooting for that person too.
Suzanne Dailey: Me too. Me too. Same thing.
Lainie Rowell: Let's start off with my, my first question that I am a creature of habit and always have to ask, what does gratitude mean to you, Suzanne?
Suzanne Dailey: So gratitude is what anchors me when things are really going well and I'm in a really positive season like I am right now, thankfully. But gratitude is what also sustains me during really hard seasons and the last few years of my. You know, professional life has been hard, certainly with, with Covid, but personally there's been a lot of loss and a lot of challenges and gratitude that that daily practice of gratitude is what kept me moving through that season in the healthiest way possible.
It's my number one virtue, and when I took that, I know you talk about it in your book, Lainie, the (VIA) Character Strength Survey, gratitude was number one for me.
Lainie Rowell: I could see that as soon as we became friends, I knew you were gonna be one of my gratitude mentors, one of my gratitude sisters. And I love that you have a whole week dedicated to gratitude in the book.
Like I call it your Gratitude Week, the the week eight. Is that fair to say?
Suzanne Dailey: It is, yes.
Lainie Rowell: And so I really appreciate, I mean, I have this thing pretty much, you know, post-it noted and
Suzanne Dailey: Look at those post-its
Lainie Rowell: and underlines to within. I mean, it would be better to just. Underline the things I don't need to highlight. I don't know , , but I don't even know that that would be possible cuz it's all really, really good and really full of substance and wisdom here.
And so, you know, when I saw that it was the 40 weeks and I'm like, oh, that's cool. Five to 10 minutes a week that'll be really, that'll be not necessarily easy, but that'll be really light and refreshing. But it's also really substantial and really heartwarming and really thought provoking. And that's not an easy thing to do. You know that saying, I would've written a shorter book, but I didn't have time. You had to really distill it down to get to this wisdom where you're just a page or a few pages and then an activity.
Suzanne Dailey: Thank you for saying that Lainie. I often say in the podcast, we don't need to be overwhelmed like we are actually looking to be underwhelmed oftentimes, right? And so we're just too busy in our personal and professional lives to do a 180 degree anything we're looking for, just those really small two degree shifts. And so that, that was the goal of the book is to just give little pieces that mimic a school year so that we can just feel aligned and content and as balanced as realistically possible given the time of the school year.
Cuz that makes a difference .
Lainie Rowell: It does, it does. And that's a, a brilliant thing about the book. Now I binged it, I'll confess, like I got my copy and I just read it in like two days, but it is intentionally designed to go over the school year, which is very, very thoughtful. I'm really glad you mentioned the 2%.
This is not a spoiler, I don't think, but can you tell people who haven't read the book what you mean by the 2%? Cuz I thought that was brilliant and you circle and spiral back to it at the appropriate times to remind us of that. So what does that mean, the 2%?
Suzanne Dailey: Sure. So one of the things that we say throughout the book is that small shifts bring big gifts, and very few of us have the capacity to, to do, you know, a very intense makeover.
But what we do have the capacity for with our limited time and energy are really small, two degree shifts. And so in the book I say, if you think about a plane that takes off. Every few minutes that plane shifts two degrees, two degrees, two degrees, that plane will end up in an entirely different location.
And so it's not about a big grand sweeping gesture. It's small intentional shifts, consistently practiced over time, and that is what brings permanent positive change, which should really be shoulders down for all of us because no matter if we've been teaching two years or 32 years, we have limited energy and time to, to be able to do that for ourselves.
Lainie Rowell: Yes. And there is something that you said about the 2%, and even just explaining it there, it's not the intensity. James Clear... we have basically the same quote.
Suzanne Dailey: Yes.
Lainie Rowell: I pulled it from him being in a podcast. I think he pulled it directly from his book. But that idea of consistency over intensity and how important that is.
A lot of people think the big, like, oh, I'm gonna crush this and it's like, well just do those little things every day and it is a huge difference in the end.
Suzanne Dailey: Yep. It's not one big intense workout. It's 30 minutes every day. Right. , that's what gives you long change.
Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. Well, I would love to open this up for you to just talk about the ways that you experience and express gratitude in your life, which I know it's your top character strength.
This is no pressure here, but, I do wanna say... I mean, I really did highlight a ton out of this chapter, and I love this line. "The happiness derived from any experience may be minimized or maximized depending on how much attention you pay to it." I really leaned into the idea of savoring when I wrote the book and I was learning about all these different type of gratitude practices, cuz journaling is amazing, but it is not the only gratitude practice out there.
And so I, I just love that cuz for me, savoring has been a really powerful takeaway from the research of the book. So what's, what's top of experience and expressing for you.
Suzanne Dailey: Well, I love that you pulled that quote because it works for positive and negative things, right? Any experience is minimized or maximized depending on the attention we give it.
So we could be in a faculty meeting and you're thinking, oh no, that one's gonna ask that question. I know, and I know and I know it. And then that person asks that frustrating question, and then we get to decide, in that moment, are we going to keep talking about that person through the day? "Can you believe Suzanne asked the question?"
Right? And if I decide to focus on that, that's what my brain's gonna think about. That's gonna impact my thoughts, my actions, my language. And if I decide to focus on what's right or what's going well, that's going to impact my thoughts, language, and actions in a much healthier way. And so we all have to move through our days every single day.
Why wouldn't we choose to move through them scanning and looking for the good? And so, I mean, I remember oprah talking about gratitude journals in like 1999, and I started journaling in 1999 and because I've been doing that for so long, it's just, this is how I see the world so. As I move through my day Lainie, I'm always thinking what's going in my happy book or gratitude book?
And I'm constantly scanning for it. And then I recognize when it happens. When you held up your book and showed all the post-its, I'm like, that's going in my gratitude book tonight, , right? And so I, I recognize it. I name it in my head. It makes me savor this moment even more. And then when I recall it later tonight, there's a good chance it's going to stay in my long-term memory.
You know, we think we're gonna buy a car and we're like, Ooh, those new Broncos look fun. What do we see all the time? We see those new Broncos out there, right? Yeah. It's what we're training our brain to see. And so if I have to see things with my eyes and hear things with my ears, I much would rather them be of the positive nature and and maximize those things in my day.
I understand there's gonna be hard things too, but I get to decide what I get to focus on, and that's really, really empower.
Lainie Rowell: I appreciate you pointing out both sides of that, the positive and the negative, and it actually reminded me of I'm, I'm guessing you might be a listener of Lori Santos, the Happiness Lab.
Suzanne Dailey: Yes, ma'am.
Lainie Rowell: Is that fair to say? Okay. I just. I mean...
Suzanne Dailey: She would be our cousin.
Lainie Rowell: Ok. Fair enough. I'll take that. I'll take that. I've heard her reference the second arrow, and I think it's from a Buddhist parable . And it talks about like the first arrow is the bad stuff.
But the second arrow is your reaction to it, where you're just, you know, perseverating on it or I can't let this go. And so, like you said, it's like maybe someone says something not kind to you. Well, that's the first arrow, and then you just, you just hold onto that and let it ruin the rest of your day.
And that's what you're paying attention to. That's the second arrow. And so that was just something I was thinking about, like, Gotta pay attention to those second arrows. We want good stuff to keep coming back to us and we wanna savor that, but we have to be careful about what we're paying attention to.
Suzanne Dailey: And we get to check ourselves. And that's, yeah, that's a really empowering thing to know. We have the ability to do.
Lainie Rowell: Yeah, and I think there was another thing I'm pulling again, I just, I pretty much highlighted the whole book, but one of the things that was at the very beginning of the gratitude chapter was "the world isn't inherently positive or negative, it's neutral".
I know you've talked about it in the book. I think I talk about it in my book, you know, Yes, there are some things that we are given mm-hmm. , but we still have a lot of control over how we handle and interact and, you know, ultimately control our happiness. And so that's very empowering.
Suzanne Dailey: It is. Right? It's outer facts. Yeah. But it's our inner attitude. And that equation is brilliant to me because there's some of those outer facts I can't change, I can't impact, I can't wish it away. I can't. Right. That's the reality. And my inner attitude allows me to determine how I'm going to move through that, whether it's, again, a positive season of life or more of a negative or heavier season, because that's just the price of admission, right? Yeah. of life. None of us get, get away with it without having those experiences. For sure.
Lainie Rowell: Yeah. That's the full, that's the full human experience. It's not all meant to be, you know, sunshine, roses and chasing bunnies through fields, as Mandy Froehlich would say.
Suzanne Dailey: Right. And that's the thing too with, with the gratitude practice is it's really easy to write things on really good days, right? But it's more important, in my opinion, to find those good things on the real hard days. I, I remember my mom passed away last June and we had the beautiful gift to be with her when she passed, but Lainie I wrote in my gratitude book that night, you know, she passed in the morning and I had to find something from what, what really was the worst day of my life. I had to find the good, and that's hard work, but I think it's some of the most important work that we can do because that's what will really sustain us during hard times.
Lainie Rowell: I agree. And I appreciate you sharing about your mom here. Yeah. And in the book, and I'm so sorry for your loss, and I just, I can imagine that was the worst day of your life
Suzanne Dailey: mm-hmm
Lainie Rowell: and for you to be able to dig deep and, and, and tell me if this resonates with you. But for me, part of it is just knowing about social and emotional contagion and knowing that even if I'm not in a space to do it for myself, I probably need to do it for those who are around me, because it's gonna impact them too.
Suzanne Dailey: Absolutely. And so I teach students a lot of positive psychology. We, we get it in there and, and you made me think of a lesson that I taught them, and it's called, You Are Not a Strawberry. I don't know if you heard that podcast episode, but we talk about if when you're, you're in a container of strawberries and there's that moldy strawberry.
And then what happens to all the strawberries around it, right? They get moldy. And so we use that as a metaphor of what can we do to, you know, good news is you're not a strawberry. You're not stuck in a, you know, a plastic pint , yes. Move yourself and surround yourself with good people who are going to be green flags for you and who are going to help you scan for the good and sustain that good and to, to help you recognize what's going right in your life.
Again, that's all within us and that's a really wonderful reality that is now backed in neuroscience and positive psychology. It's, it's wonderful that science can now prove some of this.
Lainie Rowell: I know. It is really nice. I feel like it's the heart and the science, you know, nurturing the minds and the hearts. And so that's really lovely. And I wanna say just I feel like you and I can probably both relate to this, that sometimes, especially when people are not in a great place, they sometimes wanna come at those of us who are trying to move into positive spaces.
Suzanne Dailey: Mm-hmm. .
Lainie Rowell: And there's a, there's a phrase that I think is actually still pretty young in social sciences called toxic positivity. And I, I don't think there's actually consensus a hundred percent on this, but I think we're, from reading your book, I think where you and I land on this, and I want you to get in there with more nuance and however you wanna take this, but I think what we wanna do is not deny people their feeling.
Not tell them they cannot feel that way. It's really more about, I'm gonna do my best for myself. I'm here to help you if you want it, but I'm not gonna force something on you because it's making me uncomfortable how you're feeling. And so that's kind of where I am landing on it. It's, I almost say it like simply between the difference of like positive vibes and positive vibes only.
So positive vibes only is saying like, you're never allowed to be sad. I think it's okay to say positive vibes, like I want that.
Suzanne Dailey: Sure. Yeah.
Lainie Rowell: But it's just when you add that word only, that's when you're dictating to people like you're not allowed to feel your feelings, and that's when I think it gets real dangerous.
Suzanne Dailey: Absolutely. Yep. We can always say to ourselves and to each other, this is hard, and here's our next right thing together. Right? Mm-hmm. , I'm on the other side of the door waiting for you when you need something, but just to acknowledge people need to be, I don't know. They, they just need validation. Like, yes, thank you for saying that this is really hard.
And the worst thing I think we can say to someone who's struggling is nothing. And that oftentimes has to do with our own comfort. And we're not going to say the wrong thing. Saying nothing is the only wrong thing we can say. Mm-hmm . We've gotta show up for our people, acknowledge what's hard, and then let them know that we are there as they move through that season.
Lainie Rowell: I agree with that. I think that saying something is the hardest thing because you worry it's gonna be the wrong thing. It's gonna upset them more. But that's really worrying about how you're going to be a part of that. And if you can take yourself out of that and say like, no, I'm just gonna do the thing I think is right and follow their lead as far as what I should do.
Suzanne Dailey: The best text I think we could send someone, Lainie is "no need to respond, just want you to know I'm thinking about you." That's it. No one will ever be anything but touched and comforted by that.
Lainie Rowell: That is brilliant advice. There's so much wisdom in that. I sometimes do that when I'm sending someone a text message, just thanking them for something. So it kind of goes both ways. Like it might be something cuz like you're worried about them, but you don't need to respond.
I'm not putting this on you because sometimes that's how it feels like, okay, now I have to respond and now something's been put on me.
Suzanne Dailey: Yeah.
Lainie Rowell: But if I send something really positive to someone, I don't want them to feel like they need to reciprocate. And I have some people, and I don't know if you ever get into this, Suzanne, but I have some people that we get into gratitude loops where we just can't stop, but keep saying nice things to each other, which is.
I mean like a champagne problem, but at the same time it's...
Suzanne Dailey: It's tiring.
Lainie Rowell: It's tiring. I'm not trying to put more on you. I'm trying to just let you know this one thing. Hey, I just want you to know that you are important in my life. I don't mean to interrupt your day. Don't need to respond. Just want you to know I'm thinking about you.
Kind of like you said, when you know, no need to respond, just want, you know, I'm thinking.
Suzanne Dailey: And in our jobs are so peopley. Right? And so I'm in 15 elementary schools and so I just use my little reminders app on my phone and if I think of somebody or hear something, I just put their name in my reminders app and then that's going to signal to me to, to send a text just like that.
No need to respond. Little red heart sent. You know?
Lainie Rowell: Mm-hmm. That's a very generous thing to do. A very thoughtful and generous thing to do. I don't need anything back.
Suzanne Dailey: And gentle. It's gentle. There's no expectation. I just love you and you're gonna know it .
Lainie Rowell: So obviously this is a huge part of your world and that's a great tip.
The phone reminders to kind of just make sure, cuz we can all get very, very busy in our day. I'm a big phone reminder person. Do you have any other suggestions or any other practices that you'd like people to know?
Suzanne Dailey: Well, there's something I've been trying, it's not automatic yet, but I'm really trying because it's still a little clunky.
So Shawn Achor said, you know, after you figure out your character strength, right? So find out what you're really good at. So according to that survey, it's gratitude. And then he invites us to use that strength in a different way. And so what I've been trying to do, and it's not automatic yet, is when I introduce people, I try to, instead of saying like, Hey, Lainie, this is my friend Kristen. Hey Kristen, this is Lainie. I'm so thankful for Lainie because she makes gratitude accessible for others. Lainie, this is Kristen. I'm grateful for her because she makes me laugh more than anybody. Right? And so you just get to validate and strengthen your relationship because you're sharing very overtly and clearly what you appreciate and what you're grateful for in that person. So I'm really trying to do that when I introduce colleagues with one another or maybe somebody from my personal life to my professional life, and it really just automatically strengthens the interaction and deepens it and authenticates it a little bit more when I remember to do it.
Lainie Rowell: I think there's a lot of benefits to that. One, I'm guessing you are getting a hit of the happiness chemicals, thinking about how much you appreciate this person for this and that person for that. The person who's getting complimented, who's being acknowledged is going. "Huh, I didn't even know they saw that in me. That's like amazing. I feel so seen and heard and known and valued." And then you're also giving the other person who may also be getting hit of those happiness chemicals, cuz they might feel like, well that was lovely and, and then it's coming to me too.
But they see a more real reason to connect with that person besides just, we have someone in common. Does that resonate?
Suzanne Dailey: Yes. And then, the conversation you kind of bypass all that. What do you do? What do you like? You just kind of get to the real stuff quicker, which is really wonderful too.
Lainie Rowell: That is a great conversation starter. I love that. And you're putting it on the table, like here's what y'all need to know about the person you're lucky enough to get to talk to right now, this blessing that you're about to talk to.
Suzanne Dailey: Exactly.
Lainie Rowell: This is what's amazing about them. So you're welcome, and,
Suzanne Dailey: and now I'll leave you two to talk.
Lainie Rowell: Yes. And now I'm going to pour some drinks for someone else or... That's a really beautiful practice. That's win, win, win, right? Like everyone's, everyone's doing really well in that, so I think that's beautiful. Okay, so this has gone by really, really quickly. Okay. We still have a, we still have another question and I wanna make sure you, you get to tell people how to connect to you and all that fun stuff, but I, as I knew it would, it's going by fast and I wanna give you this opportunity to share a shout out.
Suzanne Dailey: I thank you so much for doing that. My shout out and I am honored to be able to, to say her name out loud is, is to my mom Beverly Elaine Only. She, she's hearing me somehow right now. Just. She made the conditions in our home. Just gratitude was the most important virtue in our, in our home growing up.
And so she moved through her life seeing nothing but the good in people and finding the good in situations, even though they were really, really hard. And because of that gift, I'm able to do the same and teach that to my own children and my students. And so gratitude, shout out, could only go to Beverly Only.
Lainie Rowell: Beverly, I am sad. I did not get to meet you, but I am very grateful that you gave us Suzanne.
Suzanne Dailey: Thank you.
Lainie Rowell: We're very lucky to have her. Alright, Suzanne, any last tips, anything about the book that you wanna share that you wanna make sure people know?
Suzanne Dailey: You did such a nice job, Lainie.
Thank you for your celebrations and endorsements, but yep, it's, it's really quick, like five minutes a week is the intention, a little story, a little positive psychology shift for us to be invited to try. So it might be a shift in language, thoughts, or action. There's places in the book for us to write and reflect and it's really just to kind of reclaim who we are.
The, the person behind the teacher, the person behind the administrator, whatever our important role is in education and to just get ourselves, we like to say in a healthy head space and heart space for ourselves, our families, and our students. So you can find more information on my website, which is suzannedaley.com. Podcast is called Teach Happier, and we can connect in lots of different ways on social media.
Everything is @TeachHappier, tried to make it easy.
Lainie Rowell: And you did. And I don't know if we've said this yet, but the podcast is also bite size.
Suzanne Dailey: It's bite size. Of course. It's, that's all we can handle.
Lainie Rowell: So the typical show is about five minutes, five, six minutes.
Suzanne Dailey: About five to six minutes, yeah. Yeah, ish.
Lainie Rowell: And I think that's really lovely cuz even for those of us who, well, I don't really have a short commute cuz a lot of times my commute's getting on a plane. But, I can, you know, drop the kids off at school and actually listen to it on the way back before I even get to head off to work.
And so it's very lovely. And so that's another, another good thing to binge when you're wanting just a real nice hit of some happiness chemicals.
Suzanne Dailey: Thank you. Yeah, they drop on Sunday nights when we get our Sunday scaries, but most friends will listen on the way to work on Monday to start the week off as, as healthy as rationally possible.
Lainie Rowell: Yes. And you say rational optimism a lot in the book and I appreciate that as well. Kind of going back to what we were talking about with this buzzword lately of toxic positivity, I think Shawn Achor likes to say there's. All positivity is good. And so that's why I think we, we worry about that phrasing a little bit, but I know what people are getting at and so I appreciate that you honor where people are.
Again, that texting with no need to respond is just so generous, so thoughtful, so gentle. I think that's a great kind of just strategy in general. Not just to do with texting, but with anything. Right?
Suzanne Dailey: Sure.
Lainie Rowell: That's really lovely.
Suzanne Dailey: Oh, thank you. I'm glad you liked that.
Lainie Rowell: It was all great. This is an awesome episode. I can't wait for people to hear it, and I'm gonna make sure you already shared all your ways to connect, which is amazing. People need to be listening to the podcast. Grab the book if they haven't, I'll put all the links in the, in the show notes and people can connect with you if they're not already.
Suzanne Dailey: Thank you, Lainie. I'm so proud to be your book sister. Thank you.
Lainie Rowell: Well, I am so grateful to you, my friend. Have a wonderful rest of the day, and thank you all for listening.
Suzanne Dailey: Thank you.