Shownotes:
Join us in an enlightening episode as Bradley James Davies shares his profound perspective on leadership, gratitude, and personal growth. Prepare to be inspired by his transformative PEACE acronym—a daily mantra overflowing with wisdom. Plus Bradley shares practical advice on intentional practices and systems that provide invaluable guidance for leading more fulfilling lives and nurturing harmonious relationships. Seasoned leaders and aspiring ones alike will gain fresh perspectives on impactful leadership and intentional living after tuning in.
Bradley and I also trade quotes on expectations and here’s the one I couldn’t think of when we recorded:
“expectations are premeditated resentments”
After doing a little digging, I believe this is shared in AA and it appears to originate from a full quote:
“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”
― Neil Strauss, The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
About Our Guest:
Celebrated school leader and former Oscar Mayer Wienermobile Driver, after a two-decade career in education that included teaching, coaching, and leading across all grade levels, Davies wrote School Leadership from A to Z: How to Lead Well Without Losing Your Way. It's a book about the ups, downs, and all-arounds of school life and leadership that seeks to help educators thrive through the challenges and stresses of school life and leadership.
Davies is the founder of Falkor, a leadership and life consultancy dedicated to helping clients live, love, and lead better.
Website: bradleyjamesdavies.com
About Lainie:
Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at linktr.ee/lainierowell.
Twitter - @LainieRowell
Instagram - @LainieRowell
Evolving with Gratitude, the book is available here! And now, Bold Gratitude: The Journal Designed for You and by You is available too!
Both Evolving with Gratitude & Bold Gratitude have generous bulk pricing for purchasing 10+ copies delivered to the same location.🙌
Just fill out the forms linked above and someone will get back to you ASAP!
Transcript:
Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Welcome, my friends. I am so excited to introduce you to Bradley James Davies, who you may already know, but if you don't, wanted to share with you that he's a celebrated school leader and he would like you to know he's a former Oscar Meyer Wienermobile driver. I can honestly say that that is the first time those words have ever come outta my mouth.
And he is also an author. He wrote School Leadership from A to Z, How to Lead Well Without Losing Your Way. And hopefully he'll share some more about that, but that is just scratching the surface. So Bradley, welcome. What else would you like us to know?
Bradley James Davies: Well, first of all, Lainie, thanks for having me on. I'm excited about our conversation.
Yeah, gosh, I am a proud Minnesotan son of a bricklayer dad and a bookworm mom. And after nearly 20 years serving schools, I decided to establish Falkor a life and leadership consultancy committed to helping leaders in all fields live better, lead better, and love better. Yes, way back when I did drive a 27 foot long hotdog all around the country.
Lainie Rowell: Well, Bradley, that is quite the story and I know there's a lot more to it.
And having been a principal at all levels, I mean so many years in education and I know in the last few months you've been on some of the podcasts. Our friends, Josh Stamper, Aspire to Lead and Darren Peppard's Road To Awesome.
So those are two of our friends that you've had a chance to have a conversation with, and I really encourage people, go check that out, because it was those both great episodes.
And I know you've been on a lot of podcasts. You've been doing a lot sharing your message. And I'm gonna go ahead and kick us off with the first question that we like to ask here on this podcast. And so, Bradley, what does gratitude mean to you?
Bradley James Davies: For me, gratitude is one of my anchor core life practices, and it is giving thanks for all things, both the good and the bad.
And of course, it's easy for all of us to give thanks for the good stuff. It's oftentimes beyond difficult to give and learn to give thanks for the bad stuff. So beyond gratitude as a feeling for me, it's, it's a discipline. It's a daily commitment. So I have my own personal process that we can get into where I anchor my day in gratitude.
But also for leadership. I believe leading with gratitude is one of the most powerful levers we can pull to invest in, in the people we serve and the organizations we serve and support.
Lainie Rowell: That's lovely. I really appreciate how it's an anchor point for you and I would love it if you could kind of taking us into the second question.
I can only manage three questions as a podcast host. So the second question would be, what does this look like?
Bradley James Davies: Yeah. Well, I'll start professionally, you know, in working with leaders and I believe that, the biggest bang for our organizational improvement buck is via appreciation, and that's the giving of gratitude to those we serve and support. So fundamentally, as a, as a core leadership practice, I invite and encourage leaders to embrace appreciation and for appreciation or leadership via gratitude to be effective and truly helpful it has to be specific and it has to be personal.
I site often this wonderful book called Leading With Magic. It's written by a former vice president of Disney, and he was famous for writing something like over a thousand handwritten, personalized notes of appreciation to his employees every single year. And it comes down to something like 20 or 25 notes a day.
So I encourage leaders and embrace myself to try to write one personalized note of appreciation each day to your team members. The great thing about this is one, of course, it's a feel good element, Lainie, but also leaders have in their minds their own idea, best practice, their own vision for the direction the organization should go.
And so if you walk the hallways and around your campus, whatever the case may be, looking for the good stuff and then choosing via gratitude to water the good stuff, well, good stuff, watered becomes great and it becomes just a powerful driver of progress . Via gratitude, via the feel good feelings that come along with being appreciated for hard work and a job well done.
Lainie Rowell: I have heard through multiple leaders that one of the things that sustains them that helps them thrive is to do that. Looking for the good. And I love how you said when you water the good stuff, it becomes great. And I'm paraphrasing there, but that was really lovely.
Really beautifully said. And 25 notes a day might seem like a lot. So I love how you've said, okay, you can do one a day. That's definitely more doable. And really, making that specific and personal makes a huge difference. And I heard you say that too. And I always encourage people that I think the handwritten notes are amazing.
If that's just really not your jam, would you agree, even just an email or a text message or something would would suffice.
Bradley James Davies: Oh my gosh. Lainie, my handwriting. Like my mother, like all mothers, right? She thinks I am perfect. However, there is one glaring shortcoming I bring to this world, and that is my handwriting.
It's as though, I'm a fourth grader trying to write hieroglyphics, so I chose a long time ago actually not to do handwritten notes because I looked like a fool. So I think via email is absolutely okay. Via text is absolutely acceptable. What's absolutely crucial about appreciation, Is it has to be specific and it has to be personal.
The mass email, "Hey team, you guys are awesome", while well intended can actually have a reverse impact. Mm-hmm. It can come across as disingenuous. So you've got to have a vision of what you think is great. What is your vision of best practice, and when you see that... we used to with children talk about catch them doing good. Thank you Lainie for helping push in the chairs, like those simple kind of experiences across all disciplines, across all industries. Catch your team doing good, doing well, and then praise them specifically for, but gosh, if your handwriting's like mine, a quick email is absolutely powerful.
But focusing our effort. The thing about leading with gratitude, not only does it feel good, not only does it help promote best practice, but it also helps us as leaders to see the good stuff. Too many leaders will walk their hallways looking for weeds to pull rather than plants to water.
And my fundamental leadership belief is that one of the best ways to eradicate the bad is to emphasize the good. And Gratitude is the most powerful driver of that approach to leadership.
Lainie Rowell: A hundred percent. That was really well said, and I have to just have a moment of like, Yes, I get the handwriting thing 'cause I have the worst handwriting and
Bradley James Davies: Oh my gosh.
We'll have to have a competition someday.
Lainie Rowell: I know, right? I think what we wanna do is remove the barriers, right? Yeah. And so if your hesitation is because you don't like your handwriting, then a handwritten note is actually not the way to go because it will limit the amount that you do.
And so you would rather just find the way that you could do it. And I will say, Whatever way you do it, whether you choose to do handwriting or email, and like you said, you don't want it to come across disingenuous and so even the handwritten can come across disingenuous. If, for example, this lovely principal came up and she's like, I love my teachers so much.
I wrote them all handwritten notes and they were all specific to the each person. And then I went and I put them in everyone's box and I said, did you happen to put them in everyone's box at the same time? Mm-hmm. And she said, yes. And I said, well, they're not reading the other ones so they probably assume you wrote the same thing in everyone, just because they can't imagine that you would spend that amount of time personalizing, but you did.
So, next time spread them out. Don't put them all in at once and be strategic about that because you don't ever wanna people to not feel special when you're trying to show them gratitude.
Bradley James Davies: Lainie, I think that's a real savvy and and wise observation. One of the practices that I use is I actually keep a spreadsheet and will put the little date next to my team members' names.
And it's a way to ensure, have I named something grateful to each one of my team members and how often have I done it. And so it's just, what's the wonderful quote from Atomic Habits? That we don't rise to the level of our aspirations, but we fall to the level of our systems. I've found that just utilizing a simple Google sheet with all of my team member names along one column, and then put in the date the, the day I wrote them a personalized note of appreciation or expressed gratitude to them was a good way to say, gosh. I haven't written Lainie a note in three months. It's her day. And if we can commit to just one a day, just one a day, I'm such a big believer in in micro goals. Just one a day. Sometimes that becomes two or three. But gosh, over an entire year, over an entire fiscal year, you're looking at well over 200, 250 notes.
If you're a human, and maybe you're not successful every day, but gosh, think about the impact that could have celebrating 250 times what you believe best practice to be for your organization. It is a beautiful, joyful way to move the needle forward, and frankly, I think the most effective.
Lainie Rowell: I really appreciate that very thoughtful and strategic approach, because one of the things I think about in all aspects of our lives, whether it's in the classroom being a teacher, a leader, even in our homes, is that sometimes the people who fly under the radar get the least amount of acknowledgement, whether it's positive or negative. And so when you're strategic about that, because just like you could have a student that is actually really amazing, but kind of quiet doesn't really draw your attention much. They just kind of do what is needed to do. That can happen with teachers too.
I'm a mom. That can happen with my own kids sometimes the one who's doing what's actually most helpful doesn't always go noticed. And so being super intentional in that is really important to nurture all of those relationships.
Bradley James Davies: I love that you mentioned kids in this context, Lainie.
I'll just share this simple example of just something magical that happened in my professional career a handful of years ago. I invited my leadership team to join me in this effort to lavish our team with gratitude to catch them doing good. And so , we had a shared spreadsheet and it was five or six of us on the leadership team, and we all committed to trying to write one email, text, letter of gratitude to our team members. Well, they caught on and then one of our teachers said, Hey, what if we have a shared spreadsheet for all of our students? And what if we send an email home to families saying, Hey, just a quick email to let you know that Lainie did x, y, and z today, and we were so proud of her.
Wanted to let you know and invite you to give her a high five at home. So all of a sudden, what started with creating magic, this book and then me trying to do one a day and then inviting my leadership team to join us became an entire team of teachers, lavishing the children, the students with gratitude, and then sharing that with families.
So we sent over 1000 emails of gratitude in a year to students' families, catching them doing good and celebrating the joy and the privilege of working with their children. It was magical and it was one of those things that I could not have anticipated, but was beyond grateful that that ended up taking place.
Lainie Rowell: Ooh, I got the goosebumps. I got the goosies.
Bradley James Davies: It was beautiful.
Lainie Rowell: Wow to have something that organic happen. And this episode is gonna come out towards the beginning of a school year, and I've said this a few times recently, but I just truly believe that we want to start off a school year paying into that relationship bank account as much as we can.
I know we're all really busy all times of the year, and beginning of the year is no less, but really get started on that as soon as possible. I think that really helps with those family relationships.
Bradley James Davies: It it was, it was something beautiful to see, so I couldn't agree more Lainie.
Lainie Rowell: Well, let's talk a little bit more about what gratitude looks like in your life.
I know that in your consulting, you are helping with leadership, but also life. And I wondered if you wanted to maybe even go beyond leadership, and it doesn't even have to be specific to education, but what does this look like in your life?
Bradley James Davies: I really appreciate the question. And I do share this with clients in a coaching context as they seek to add systems to add discipline to their life so that the outputs they desire come to pass and a few things I share with clients is one that I have a daily mantra?
And it can be anything for me it's a peace acronym. For me everything's about peace. Peace is the prize. And I'll tell this quick story because I love to tell it. I was probably in fourth grade, Lainie. And at school that day, kids must have introduced to me this concept of three wishes. You know, if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
And so I brought that home to my mom and she was making dinner. I remember I was on like the bright yellow linoleum kitchen floor hanging out, you know, early eighties. And I offered to my mom as she was making dinner, and mom, if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
And she kind of brushed me off lovingly. Said, oh, son, I don't really wanna play that game. I said, come on mom. If you had three wishes, what would you wish for? And finally she said to me, Lainie son, I would wish for peace. And someday you'll understand. That just stuck with me.
And ever since then, peace has been my guiding North star of my life and, and what I seek. And, and so I have this peace acronym that I recite every day and I don't need to go through all of it. P is embrace the precious present, the miracle of the moment. Well, e is expect and embrace adversity and that is really anchored in, in a life committed to gratitude because I've learned through the good times and the bad that we can both be sad that something happened and also eventually glad for some of the things that emerged from those difficult moments. And so I really try to anchor my own personal practice in expecting and embracing adversity, expecting and embracing difficult things to come.
And then the a of my Peace acronym is to have an attitude of gratitude. And what I do is I challenge myself to offer, you know, to myself, and I'd also journal so oftentimes I'll, I'll do it in my journal to give thanks for 10 small things. Those daily mini miracles, how light hits a plant in a living room, the beauty of a wildflower, things like that. I really try to anchor myself in the small things to offer gratitude for, and I then compliment that where I have a life log and I've listed 10 categories and each day I reflect into my life log.
It's a spreadsheet of did I accomplish certain things? And one of those is, did I pause to give gratitude? And it's, created in the spirit of we live our lives as we live our days. So in my coaching practice and working with my clients, I invite them to create their own life log. What are the variables that when you look back on your life, you will have peace knowing that, wow, day in and day out, I delivered on X, Y, Z, A, B, and C via this lifelong.
So from really this belief that gratitude is not just a feeling, it's more so a discipline, a commitment I think this daily mantra and also creating a life log or are two tools that I would invite your listeners to consider embracing that have really enriched my life. And I'm really gra grateful. I, I stumbled upon it because the, the value add to my life via these practices has been, has been immense.
Lainie Rowell: I love so much. And are you gonna leave us hanging on the rest of the acronym?
Bradley James Davies: Oh gosh. Okay. Here we go. Ready? Peace. So the precious present, you know, embracing the miracle of the moment. E expect and embrace adversity. A is an attitude of gratitude. C is choose. I think attitude is choice. Choose to be positive, choose to be patient, choose to be peaceful.
And then E is expectations. And the thing around expectations actually is tied to gratitude. There's a fantastic book called Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat and he's got this equation. He's a former Google exec who endured the tragedy of losing a child.
And through that pain really started studying the science of happiness. And part of his book's deliverables, this definition of enjoyment equals experience minus expectation. And it's this real invitation to think about what are we attached to and what are our expectations.
So the last E in the Peace acronym is I try to explore in a real healthy way of, okay, what am I attached to? What expectations do I have? And while we've been taught to have high expectations of ourselves and others in truth a life journey of peace and real joy actually is associated with lowering our expectations, still honoring the inputs, still honoring a full enthusiasm, a full commitment to inputs, to love and care, and commit to excellence yet, just loosening our grip a little bit on what our expectations are.
So that last E has really informed a lot of, a lot of my personal growth as well. And it came to it the hard way by holding on way too tightly to too many things. So that's the full piece acronym.
Lainie Rowell: Okay. I needed to hear them all and I knew our listeners would wanna hear them all too.
So I love how you have a way of creating systems and these practices, these processes that you've come up with, that are really so thoughtful, so intentional, and I think that is a great way to live. I can tell we're kindred spirits when you're referencing James Clear. I'm a kind of an efficiency nerd and anyone that can help me with habits and efficiency, I'm all in.
I just wanted to say a few things about your Peace acronym. I feel like that's a great recipe for really finding the peace and also the awe in the day-to-day life. And so that's something that I think is really beautiful. And when you're talking about listing these 10 tiny things, I think that's where the joy is found.
A lot of times we think, when I get to this big thing, that's when I'll be happy. But it's actually really much more about the awe and the wonder and the small, simple things in our lives.
Bradley James Davies: I appreciate it. You saying that Lainie a number of years ago, gosh, going way back where I just embraced this quote that a drop of intentionality gets you a gallon back.
That works in relationships, it works in institutional leadership. It works in our own personal growth, our own commitment to our own wellbeing. And so the life log and this peace mantra for me have just been really game changer. So I invite folks to embrace it, make it their own.
I will name that the life log is not a scoreboard. It's just a log. I'm not successful or unsuccessful, but it's just a good way to check in with myself. Like, okay, here are the variables that I believe will inform a life well lived and how am I doing? And not to beat myself up or anything like that, but just to check in and say, Hey, did I journal today?
Was I proactive about being grateful today? And, you know, down the list it goes. But yeah, this, this drop of intentionality, no matter how small can just get us so much back. So little practices like this as I work with my clients really do prove helpful.
Lainie Rowell: This is gonna kind of just come outta nowhere, but it was another thought that I had as you were sharing your PEACE acronym and that last e being Expectations.
There's various quotes about expectations. I think Brene Brown says expectations are resentments waiting to happen. There's, there's all sorts of them. I do think a lot about expectations because I think they can really be, In some cases harmful to relationships, but also harmful to ourselves.
You just said, the life log is not a scoreboard, right? It's being aware, being intentional, and then also not holding ourselves to ridiculous expectations that are just gonna lead to us feeling bad about ourselves.
Bradley James Davies: True. my quote is, expectation is the enemy of enjoyment.
Lainie Rowell: That's a good one. Oh, I like that one too. I like that one too. There's one that's even more harsh. If I can find, I'll bring it, bring it just for giggles. I'll put it in the show notes. But I do think expectations is one we have to be kind of careful about.
So I appreciate that's part of your daily mantra, your peace acronym. I do wanna ask you to share a little bit about your book. Tell us more about it.
Bradley James Davies: The book is my reflection really on 20 years seeking to lead others well without losing your way. And you know, I do believe that leadership is hard and it's hard on leaders.
And so the book's approach is part how to and part how not to. So truly it's anchored. In my experience as a school leader, I do believe that many of the, the lessons I, I seek to offer apply across all sectors, and it's chunked up in an alphabetical approach. You know, if you walk into a kindergarten classroom and you look along the top of the wall, you likely will see some kind of visual that's, you know, lighthearted and loving that says, A is for apple, B is for ball. C is for cat. And so I've just collected a handful of, of essays that correlate with the alphabet. So A is for appreciation, I lead with that. B is for B, C, C, I think one of the most evil things on the planet C is for culture, D for dancing guy, things like that.
So there's a lot of leadership lessons that apply across all sectors, and also there's a real strong wellness component to it. There's a lot in there for leaders and best practices to ensure that while they're giving, while they're filling the cup of those they serve, they're also being mindful of their own wellness.
Because I wasn't great at that and I got low and I got to a burned out place, and that was part of the catalyst for me transitioning to consulting and speaking and coaching. So there's, there's a lot of good wellness practices in there for, for folks to be mindful of, to ensure that they don't get to that low place and that their batteries are charged and they're able not only to serve their teams well, but just as importantly that they're bringing their best selves home as well. And they have energy and light and love left over at the end of the day to give to the most important relationships in their life, their friends and family.
Lainie Rowell: I'm very excited to read it. Now I'd like you to give a shout out to someone if you are open to that.
Bradley James Davies: You know, it's, it's funny, you, you invited me to reflect on this a few days ago, and so I have to start with one, but then I'm gonna go with a collective group.
So I'm gonna go a little bit off script and I think you'll, you'll be okay with it. One, I have to start with my mom, and that's no disparagement of my dad. I just, I have a wonderful mom and she has loved me unconditionally. And even as youll read in the book that I got to a low place about two years ago, and COVID, was a contributor, et cetera.
But here I am, you know, at that time, a 46 year old man. And I got to a low place. I needed my mama, and my mom stepped up with just, just loving grace to help me get back on my feet and, and grow strong again. So I gotta start with my mom, you know, just now going on 48 years of immense unconditional love.
But here's who I wanna focus on. I have gratitude for those who have done me wrong and Lainie, there aren't many, very few. I've been so fortunate. People have just been exceedingly kind and generous to me in my life, but there are a few who, who did me wrong and I would love if they were ever to possibly listen to this podcast that they would hear from me.
Hey, no hard feelings. And super important. I take at least 51% of the responsibility for our relationships being strained, at least. And when I look back on that version of me, yeah, I'm kind of disappointed in him too. So, hey, those few folks out there who feel maybe I didn't treat you well and who I feel like maybe you didn't treat me well.
I hope you know that. I'm a different person now, and I forgive you. I hope you forgive me. I'm grateful for you helping me become a better person. And really in the spirit of one of my favorite quotes ever, it's a quote by Rumi, oh, it's so powerful. And he says, beyond all ideas of right doing and wrongdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
So my, my gratitude is to some folks who, you know, maybe we didn't get along so well. Just to thank them and invite them to say, Hey, I think things can be good between us someday. And to be honest, I've reached out to all these people and some have, have reciprocated and we've had wonderful reconciliation and others have chosen not to.
And I'm okay with that. I'm making it sound like there are like thousands of people out there. But there are just a few that are in my head and heart like, oh, I don't think I was my best self with you and you probably weren't your best self back to me. And gosh, Maybe now in our more evolved states, we, we could pause in that, that field that Rumi mentions and, and shake hands and maybe even hug and, and know that all is well.
And so I'm grateful for it because I've become a better person because of that adversity. But I'd love for them to know that I've no hard feelings and I would be future oriented, grateful for any reconciliation we might be able to accomplish together.
Lainie Rowell: Both of those were very, very generous shout outs and regarding the latter, the grateful to those who have done you wrong.
I would say that is a truly peaceful way to live and I know that you are seeking peace that is a priority for you, and I think that that is a great way to be there. Now I know that people are going to want to grab your book and they're gonna wanna know how they can connect with you more.
So I will put in the show notes a link to your book, but would you also just out loud share with us how do people connect with you best?
Bradley James Davies: Yeah, so I'm on all socials on Instagram, @bradley.james.davies. I think I'm bradley.james.davies on Instagram and Facebook.
Bradley James Davies, of course, on LinkedIn. And then my website is bradley.james.Davies.com. So yeah, would love to hear from folks.
Lainie Rowell: I will link all of those in the show notes so people can just touch or tap or whatever they need to and go straight there. I do encourage people to check out your book like I will be doing.
I can't wait to read it, and I have truly enjoyed this conversation. Bradley, this has been very enlightening and enjoyable and you gave me the goosies on multiple occasions, so kudos to you and I just really thank you for your time.
Bradley James Davies: Well, thank you, Lainie. I'm so impressed with the work you do, and I'm grateful that you're investing your gifts into this planet and, and its people.
And raising awareness to the power of gratitude and how it can really change the world. So thank you.
Lainie Rowell: Thank you my friend, and thank you all for listening.