Shownotes:
Are you ready to learn how being in tune with your feelings can turn you into a change agent? Join Tasha Nurse in this inspiring episode as she shares her insights on the power of gratitude. Tasha also reveals how gratefulness plays a crucial role in developing important life skills such as perseverance, resilience, and effective communication. Get ready to be uplifted and enlightened after listening to Tasha's episode.
About Our Guest:
Natasha Nurse is a 6th grade science teacher in Long Beach, New York. She truly enjoys being a facilitator of learning! Throughout her 19 years as an educator, she has had the opportunity to teach grades 3-5, and was an instructional coach, who worked alongside amazing teachers. She also donates her time as a Long Beach Housing Authority Commissioner, giving back to the community she grew up in and loves!
Twitter: @natasha_nurse
Instagram: @tnurselb
About Lainie:
Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at linktr.ee/lainierowell.
Twitter - @LainieRowell
Instagram - @LainieRowell
Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! Purchase here!
You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount
Transcript:
Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Well, hello my friends. I have been looking forward to this conversation. Tasha nurse, thank you for being here.
Tasha Nurse: I am so excited to be here, Lainie. Thank you so much for inviting me.
Lainie Rowell: Well, I have to give a shout out to the person that connected us, Lauren Kaufman, who I dare say a bestie for both of us.
Tasha Nurse: She is indeed a bestie, very, very close friend. One of my dear best friends that one of my confidants. My go-to.
Lainie Rowell: She is that person to, a lot of us, and she is so special. She's just such an inspiring educator leader. I'm so grateful. She was in Evolving with gratitude. She has a lovely story in there and just so honored she's been on the podcast and then, just the friendship that never stops giving because she introduced me to you.
And so, yes, now we're here we are.
Tasha Nurse: We were trying to find a book for a mentor program and she said, Tasha, you have to, to connect with Lainie. She said, it's an amazing book. And her, her advice is always like the best advice I knew once she said it, like, I'm gonna hit the ground running. I need to find out more about this book.
So there it goes. We connected you and I, and I work closely with Christine LaMarca. We collaboratively run the mentor program. She's such an amazing person, teacher, educator groundbreaker she's that, that person with all those qualities. But this is a book that we've been using and working with the teachers with, and we are, we're loving the book.
It's applicable to today's world and it's something so needed. Especially in our real field of education.
Lainie Rowell: You're so kind. Well, I am just very grateful that you're helping spread the message of gratitude in our learning communities, and I wanna make sure people know a little bit more about you.
It's gonna be a pretty brief intro, but I want you to add to it because there's. So many layers of wonderful to you, Tasha. And so I, I don't want you to be shy. Please, please, please tell everyone more cuz I, you're obviously an educator. You are so passionate about learning and mentorship and I know you're working on your admin credentials, so that's exciting.
Maybe you'll tell us more about that. But you're just doing so many wonderful things. And again, I'm not doing you justice, but please just tell us a little bit more about you.
Tasha Nurse: I'd be happy to. This makes my 19th year teaching. I worked in the elementary world Oh, wow. For over 10 years as a, a fourth grade teacher, fifth grade teacher.
And then I entered the world of instructional coaching and that's how I connected with Lauren Kaufman and Christine LaMarca and I was able to, you know, be a part of something so amazing as working alongside other teachers for three years. I taught virtually for a year under Dr. Paul Romanelli.
Amazing, amazing, transformational leader who is now the superintendent in West Iceland School District. I am now teaching sixth grade physics and chemistry in the Long Beach Middle School. So I get to work alongside sixth graders and they are absolutely amazing.
Lainie Rowell: They are. I've taught sixth grade and I don't think I'm that funny, but they would give me some courtesy laughs from time to time and I appreciated that they got my dry, odd humor.
Tasha Nurse: Lainie, they're the absolute, absolute best. So that's led me to take my next step looking into, going into administration. I'm excited about that because once you step out the classroom and you get the opportunity, you know, after learning so much and learning from teachers and working alongside teachers, you get to bring all those, those tips and tools and, and tricks with you back into the classroom.
And I tried everything. I got messy. I cleaned it up. It, it was my research ground. Now I'm ready soon to step back out and, and see what there is out there for me.
Lainie Rowell: I really like how you framed moving into a leadership role because unfortunately, the way that our system has been set up and in a lot of places still unfortunately, is set up, is that teaching is a very siloed situation.
You go in and you do your work and if you're lucky, like I've been, you get amazing teachers to either co-teach with or be on a team with, and you get to share your practice that way. But it's still kind of limited. You know, PLCs are great. I know you do instructional coaching, there's so many great ways, but until there is someone who is not having their own rostered kids. We need that capacity, right? And so that's why I love these roles. Obviously I loved being in the classroom, but I have found so much passion in what I do. Where I get to step into classrooms, work side by side with teachers, still get to work with kids, but I get to kind of cross pollinate and see what's happening in other places, and then share it where it should be shared, you know?
Cause not everything is right for every situation, but, oh, you know, I saw this in that school and maybe it would be good here. You could try it.
Tasha Nurse: We're all learners. We're learners from life and the way I see it is that each and every day that I wake, I have an opportunity to learn something new.
And being in the, the Long Beach Middle School, this is my second year, but I've learned so much Lainie from the colleagues that I work alongside, from my co-teacher, Mrs. Cindy LaPenna. I've learned so much from using a special education lens.
Just amazing colleagues. From the team that I work alongside very closely and tightly Ms. Rabner, Mr. Gallopini. I have to give another shout out to Ms. Espinet, Miss Grace Parisi. So these are all people that I collaborate with that I look to and honestly, I show gratitude. I show gratitude because I get an opportunity to wake up and think even though things are not perfect, I'm going to be learning something from them that's going to make me better.
Lainie Rowell: Tasha it does not surprise me. You out the gate are, "here are some of my shout outs". That does not surprise me about you at all cause you are so all about gratitude. I do wanna make one quick programming note that when you say Long Beach, you mean Long Beach, New York.
Tasha Nurse: There's only one. Not the Long Beach, California.
Lainie Rowell: Wait a minute. I live like... if I had a really good arm, I could almost throw a rock from Huntington Beach and hit Long Beach . There's a few cities in the way, but
Tasha Nurse: I have to tell you, Lainie, it's funny because people, you know, the first thing they say is it Long Beach, California? And we have someone named DJ and he creates these amazing sweatshirts that.
Not Long Beach, California, but Long Beach, New York.
Lainie Rowell: So, yeah, I mean it's, so, I just wanna make sure quick programming note friends, this is a, you know, west coast, east coast conversation. I'm here in southern California. Tasha is in Long Beach, New York, which is also a great Long Beach. Some of my favorite people live there.
Well, Tasha, you've already opened up to the gratitude piece, which does not surprise me. I would like to give you the opportunity to answer the question, what does gratitude mean to you?
Tasha Nurse: It's something that I've always reflected. But I never knew I was fully practicing it until I became more intentional and purposeful. So, so gratitude to me is about purposely and intentionally choosing my time and the things that I choose to focus on and just show appreciation. Sometimes I think people get so caught up in, well, you can't always show gratitude.
You can't always be thankful. You know, there are things that are gonna come your way, obstacles, disturbances, difficulties, and sometimes gratitude just doesn't work. But I've been around that corner before and it's all about perspective and how you deal with things that come your way and really changing your mindset.
And people will probably say, Natasha, you're always smiling, Tasha, you're always happy. But I choose to do those things and that's because I connect it to being grateful.
Lainie Rowell: I really appreciate you saying you choose to do it because what we know, what the social scientists tell us is that 10% of our happiness comes from our circumstances. 50% comes from genetics. You know, this is kind of what we inherit, but 40% of it is within our control. That's very empowering. And I just wanna throw in that Dr. Mark Brackett, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of Permission to Feel, we're recording this in late March, but I just wanted to share because it was International Day of Happiness and when you think about the definition of happiness, I connect it with gratitude obviously. But he put it out here and I'm just gonna, I'm not trying to put you on the spot.
This isn't a gotcha moment, but I just wondered what you thought about this, cuz he says, " what if happiness was defined as a feeling of deep satisfaction and joy with all emotions?" Now, here's a contrasting definition of happiness, "a high energy, positive emotion associated with success or attainment" and I made the connection to that. I had to pull it up because as you were talking, I was like, oh, this is resonating with what Marc was talking about. You have choice and even if it is something bad, you're not trying to say, well, that's not bad, or, you're not blowing it off.
You're just choosing to be okay with all the emotions. Is that fair to say? I don't wanna put words into your mouth.
Tasha Nurse: I think I was sort of speaking to that. You have to embrace all the emotions. And again, it's not about you're being just happy-go-lucky, but tears, you know, is, is a type of emotion or feeling when, when you're you, you're crying.
And that could be you showing gratitude for something. I think gratitude is about being in tune with your feelings. Because if you're not in tune with your feelings, how are you going to help someone else? How are you going to build someone else up? How are you going to be that change agent?
I think of Dr. King and I think he was someone who really showed gratitude, but did it in a way where he was an advocate for others, but changing things in a way where gratitude is something he embraced and wanted others to embrace, and it ends up becoming this deep feeling that involves all of the emotions. If I'm making sense here. And there's so many other great leaders out there besides him. But, he always spoke about the importance of being grateful and the importance of bringing others in so that they can experience that no matter what walk of life they come from.
Lainie Rowell: I appreciate that connection, that Dr. King and other leaders are not dismissing the horrible, the terrible, the trauma, the devastating things that have happened, but talking about here's how we go forward. I think sometimes I worry, and maybe I talk about it too much either when I'm speaking or on this podcast, but I don't want people to associate gratitude with, oh, it's sunshine and rainbows and chasing bunnies through the field all the time, and we're never ...like the full.
Experience is important, and how boring would it be if we didn't have these other emotions? They might not be pleasant, and we don't wanna live in them all the time for certain, but we wanna embrace all the feelings. They tell us things and, and they're important.
Tasha Nurse: And imagine working with students. I work with sixth grade students. I see the sixth, seventh, and eighth grade students. And, in order to really understand them and to get to the them to move to that next. , you have to show gratitude yourself and then show them how to show gratitude because at that age, they're so impressionable.
They're so impressionable, they're looking to fit in, and they don't understand what gratitude means. They don't really understand what "thank you" means. So, me being that role model in the classroom and outside of the classroom, I have to show it. And when they see me showing, , we discuss it and talk about it.
And those students, they gravitate to you. They won't ever forget you. Even when they leave the next year, they're coming back and still showing how grateful they are. For having that experience with you the year before.
Lainie Rowell: They're seeing you live it for sure. And as someone who lives with a sixth grader, my daughter, I have completely witnessed the feeling one way, one moment, and feeling something else the next moment. And really trying very hard to validate all the emotions, because it's already bad enough when you're having an emotion that you don't wanna have at that particular time, like when you'd like to get out of it.
But when someone else just says, "oh, you don't need to feel sad." "Oh, that's not a big deal." I mean, all they're feeling now is whatever they were feeling plus alone and so I think that's really great that you're doing this with sixth graders, and I know you're doing this with your peers and you're so good on social media too.
How do you see this manifesting in your district?
Tasha Nurse: We just had our mentor meeting yesterday, Christine LaMarca and I, and we had our assistant superintendent, Dr. Ostroff she presented the profile of a graduate, and that was really, really an important meeting. We've sat together and discussed the profile of a graduate before, but it was nice really to sit with mentors and mentees and really look at what makes a student, what makes a graduate be a successful graduate?
Dr. Ostroff really focused on the importance of certain skills that make a student successful. Not only in school, but beyond. And we went over the puzzle pieces and this was created by my district.
And it was amazing because when I sat with the group that I was working alongside, we talked about perseverance and resilience, and I thought about it and I said, in order for students to work hard, in order for students to solve conflicts that they have, in order for students to be open-minded, in order for students to be creative problem solvers, in order for students to be effective communicators and show that independence and be comfortable with critical thinking as well comfortable using technology, it all starts with really understanding themsleves and looking at what things they're good at. And that's where gratefulness comes in.
I believe that tightly tied in with perseverance and resilience.
Lainie Rowell: Mm-hmm.
Tasha Nurse: There's no way Lainie, you're going to tell me that a student will continue to work their hardest and persevere or never give up if they don't understand their why.
And they don't understand why being grateful is so important and how they got to where they're at. I think so many times students pass through grades and teachers do their best. I work alongside amazing teachers and all the buildings within our district, but it's so hard with time constraints.
It's so hard. You give 3000% and you want those students to leave you feeling like, you know, you did your job. But so many times, even curriculum, making sure that we teach curriculum and, and we do our best with that, but so many times thinking about how we can teach students to persevere and be resilient starts with helping them to see what things they're good at.
And that ties in with gratitude. You know, we're talking about 21st century learning skills and getting students ready, Lainie. For the world that's outside of the four walls we teach in and it makes us really think, are we preparing them with the necessary life skills to be successful?
If you can't teach students to understand what failure is and embrace it so you can get better and be successful, and along the way tie gratitude in and, and the importance of gratefulness of experiencing that failure to make you better, you would've never had Apple or Google or all these big monster companies that are out there doing big things.
Lainie Rowell: The research is very clear that having that grateful disposition is going to build your resilience, give you that perseverance. And one thing I was thinking about as you were talking, and you're so good at sharing, this is how we want kids to be grateful for their strengths.
And then I'm also hearing you say, we as teachers, are doing our best to spotlight what kids do well. And I think if we had both of those things and if we could get, you know, family partnerships to, to reinforce that as well, that would be amazing. And I think there's a lot of families already doing that, but just imagine the experience of a learner who it's asset based from their own stance, it's asset based from every educator around them, it's asset based from their family. I mean, this isn't a everyone gets a trophy kind of thing. It's really with authenticity and specificity saying, here is where you are really excelling.
This is what you are so great at. It can be academic. It can be behavioral, but really highlighting those things and making them understand that they do have good things, because our negativity bias is always gonna be in the way. So whatever feedback we give as a teacher, that's gonna stand out in their head.
We have to try and give five or six positives to try and like, this is what's going well. So I really appreciate you focusing on, not just as educators, we have to be asset based, but the actually teaching kids to be asset based in their own view of themselves.
Tasha Nurse: It's important that we think long term and beyond, right where we're at. And the students, they're hungry for it. They want that attention. I had a little boy, student and I won't give the date, time, or anything like that, but he's been through so much and he has come such a long way and I stopped him and I said to him, this was in the cafeteria, I said, "I wanna tell you something". And he goes, "What, Miss nurse?" I said, "I am so excited with the work that you're doing", and I made sure to be purposeful and intentional and name it. I said, "you have improved in showing up to my class and showing up, participating. You have improved and making sure you're checking in with me".
And in my way, that was me showing my gratefulness that he's acknowledging how important it is to make those changes and his face lit up. He said, "Me, am I doing that now?" So now he's going to be reflecting on what I said and he's gonna hold on to that. And when times get rough and things don't go the way he wants, my goal is that he digs in deep, he pulls out that emotion, that feeling that I shared with him and that he uses to persevere and to show that resilience when tough times come. Students, they love, they rely on you so much.
Lainie Rowell: They do. And I think it's bold to show gratitude. I think sometimes people think of gratitude as a more passive thing.
I actually think it's a really bold thing to put that out there and tell other people what you're seeing in 'em. Especially when, like you just said, they don't see it in themselves. "Oh, am I doing that?" "Wait, you see that?" That's really powerful. I got the goosies.
Tasha Nurse: A lot of times, your newer teachers wonder how do you get students to buy in?
You get them to buy in by showing how grateful you are to them.
Lainie Rowell: Yes.
Tasha Nurse: Even during the most difficult times. You have to make sure that you keep students in order. But they need to know that they're a part of a family. They need to know that you love and care about them, and you have to show gratefulness and name it.
And when you name it, that sticks with students. They don't ever forget it. Out of all the 19 years of me teaching, I remember all of my students and I remember them because I led with love, I led with gratefulness.
And it's funny how your book, Evolving with Gratitude, I think people really need to understand the definition of gratitude and it's important to have these conversations and to define what it is so that you can see that, that you might just be doing this already, and if you're not, how can you be more purposeful and intentional?
Lainie Rowell: Or you might be doing it, but how can you take it even just to the next level? Because you've been so crystal clear through this whole conversation about that specificity, that authenticity. I'm not just saying, "Hey, good job", and I don't want that to come off negative, like, good job is a bad thing, but that's not going to be as impactful as " Thank you for showing up. And I don't mean just physically. I mean, I see you involved in the conversations. I see you raising your hand, you are showing up in every way, and that is all important. Thank you for doing that." And that's profoundly different than good job to me. It is.
Tasha Nurse: I'm gonna tell you, we've new teachers coming in, and we're losing teachers, I guess if you're looking at the United States, but for our new teachers coming in, I think sharing with them and, and teaching them about gratitude. And this is just not to highlight your book, but it was profound for me after reading your book to really understand...
Lainie Rowell: check is in the mail.
Tasha Nurse: I have to and Lauren knows, because we were in her pool talking about this, and I think they need to understand it for themselves and why they came into wanting to teach students.
It is not only about the curriculum. The curriculum is something that we don't, we don't touch first. The relationships come first, and gratitude is right there in the center.. And if we teach it to students in a way where they understand it, they're going to carry that with them from year to year until they enter the real world outside of the four walls that we teach in.
Lainie Rowell: I love your work with the mentor program and I have to tell you a funny little story. I might end up cutting this out, but this, this just happened. No one trying to figure out what school I was at, cuz I'm not trying to embarrass anyone. But it was just kind of a, a really laugh out loud moment that this group and I had.
So I'm talking about the praise to correction ratio. I know some people don't like the word "praise". That is what the research, the literature calls it when you're giving specific, authentic, positive feedback. And I said, "I was taught six to one six positives to every negative."
People who listen to the show often have heard me say this before. You can call that aspirational. Four to one, five to one, whatever it is. And then I flip to another slide and I've got a quote from the Gottman's who study relationship longevity and all that, what makes a successful couple?
And the quote is something to the effect of the most successful relationships aren't the ones that point out what's wrong. They're the ones that most often point out what's right in the other person. And I'm butchering the quote... tasha, I have to tell you, it was hilarious. They're pulling out their phones, taking pictures, and I'm like, y'all, I'm gonna give you the slides.
And then someone's like, no, I'm texting my husband right now. And I'm like, you're missing the point. You're missing the point. I love you. And that's hilarious and I hope your husband gets a huge kick out of that. But the point is, you first have to do, cuz I had, I had just said, you know, the best way to change someone else's behavior is to change your own behavior first.
And that's not to be emotionally manipulative. That's because you have to, like you've already been talking about, you have to model it. You have to be that to other people. And then they're going to see it, it's gonna resonate with them.
But I just had to share that cause that just happened and I was just rolling on the ground. Everyone started laughing cause she wasn't the only one. Everyone who had pulled their phone out was doing the exact same thing, significant other, check this out.
Tasha Nurse: I love that story.
Lainie Rowell: I'm like, I feel like there's a bit of irony here because you're basically telling them they're not doing it and then you should be nicer to me.
Alright, my friend. I know I need to let you get on with your day, so I'm gonna go ahead and ask you to, you've already given a lot of shoutouts, but is there anyone else that you wanna add?
Tasha Nurse: I'm so grateful to my building principal, Lorie Beard my assistant principal, Keith Biesma. Just all of the administrators that have given me opportunities that sometimes, I don't know, I felt like I, I didn't deserve.
I'm always one of those people that would be so tough on myself. And then I learned to stop and be in the moment and really reflect on the things I do for other people. You know what I mean? And, and why I do it for other people, because it makes me feel good. And the more I give, the better I feel.
So I looked at it that way. No more negativity. If I'm giving of my time and I'm helping, then guess what? This works for me and I deserve to be where I'm at.
Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. Oh, you're awesome. I always love a shout out to admins because I have had so many amazing mentors who have done just so much to help me take that next step when I was afraid to see things in me that I didn't see in myself.
And so I, I always love an admin shout.
Tasha Nurse: And Lainie, this is the last one. I could never forget this person, Sandy Schneider, that was the person who hired me my first year teaching. Her husband was my science teacher. I adore her. She has always been a mentor to me and a special person. And she's one of the reasons along with Dr. Romanelli, and Lauren, of course, and Christine LaMarca, why I'm in the, the admin program now. So shout out.
Lainie Rowell: I have thoroughly enjoyed this and I know people are gonna wanna connect with you. I will put it in the show notes, as I do, but I would love it if you would also just out loud say, how would you like people to connect with you?
Tasha Nurse: Oh, Twitter. I love Twitter, so please.
Lainie Rowell: That was no hesitation... Twitter, hit me up on Twitter. Okay. So what is your handle on Twitter? I know it, but just say it out loud.
Tasha Nurse: @Natasha_Nurse
Lainie Rowell: I mean, there you go. That's perfect. I will make sure and put that all in the show notes cause I know people are gonna wanna catch up with you.
Thank you so much Tasha, for being here. I appreciate you and ironically I'm probably not good enough at showing it, but I really truly appreciate how you are so passionate, so inspiring. I have been really happy with how this message has resonated with people. But if it's not for other people amplifying the message along, along with us, then that message doesn't really go anywhere.
And so I'm super grateful to the contributors in the book and to you and to all those who are helping to spread this message of how gratitude can improve relationships, wellbeing and also activate learning. So thank you for being in this with us.
Tasha Nurse: And thank you so much for having me, Lainie.
I appreciate and I'm grateful for you.
Lainie Rowell: Thank you. And thank you all for listening.
